Every parent, even before the birth of a child, “tries on” the role of the ideal model for his future child. In his imagination, he can always find a common language with him, always able to understand and support the child, to give him the right advice and never snapped at him. However, in reality, things are very different. Especially in this age of unconsciousness, when people do not understand their own nature and can rarely help even themselves.
Ra Uru Hu, the creator of Human Design, repeated throughout his life that Design is for children because it is important to understand and recognize one’s nature from an early age. But upbringing is the duty of parents, and it is on their shoulders that the spiritual enlightenment of the child must fall.
There are several most important recommendations that parents need to begin with in order to influence their child’s life ecologically. First and foremost: It is necessary to consider his or her Genetic Type.
Parents of Projector should absolutely not press their child if they feel that he is less active than other children. The Projector has his own way of doing things and may have a particularly hard time at an early age. If parents tell him that he is “something different from other children,” he will start to feel the same way himself, forming negative attitudes and the need to constantly prove something to someone. It is necessary to work individually with the projector child – to ask him or her what he or she likes, what he or she wants to do for himself or herself and what to do, without referring to other children. And, most importantly, Projector children are very perceptive on the level of emotions and feelings. Therefore, there is no need to lie or lie to him – the lie will be very easily recognized, and the trust in the parent will be lost.
It is necessary to communicate with the child-Generator with questions, and such that they can be given a non-alternative affirmative or negative answer. The task here is not to limit the child, but that both he and his parents can see and understand what he likes and what he does not. Only in this way will he be able to realize at a very young age what he has a heart for and to cut off what he has no desire for. If parents will try to “direct” the child by various verbal machinations in the “right” way, it would seem, then he will grow up ignoring his interests and adjusting to others.
With the Manifestor child, the most important thing is discussion. You always need to talk and discuss what he needs to do and, most importantly, why he needs to do it. Imperatives like “it’s necessary because I said so” or “because because” are destructive to the young Manifestor, because this will not break his determined spirit. Instead, he will grow up to be a rebel who, growing up, will ignore other people’s opinions and do only what he himself thinks is right and necessary, without asking anyone’s permission or informing anyone.
With a child-reflector, you must be prepared for the fact that he will be very fickle. Today he can be full of energy and activity, but tomorrow he will want to sit in one place and just hover in his own thoughts. For parents in this case, it is a very difficult task just to let him be the way he wants to be at any given moment. It is necessary to avoid trying to cram him or her into a single template, thereby limiting his or her freedom of self-expression.
At first glance, these recommendations may seem very simple, if not obvious to every parent. But in practice it is incredibly difficult to follow them, especially in cases where the person is not fully aware of himself or herself. How can he then respect another’s nature if he does not respect his own?
The main mistakes parents make when raising their children
First of all, every parent should not even think about what should be done in parenting, but about what not to do. There are a lot of “patterns” in our heads, imposed on us by the False Self, which we, if we are not careful, will be transmitted to the child as well. Let’s talk about them.
Imposing their view of the world on a child
If we pay enough attention, it is very easy to see how the Mind tries to control our lives, most often out of the False Ego. And it is especially noticeable in matters of parenting. For example, if you take a parent-generator. He will try to instill in your child the idea that it is not always necessary to do what you want, and sometimes you have to go beyond yourself. Like, these are the times, and you have to sacrifice your interests for the sake of a higher purpose. At the same time, such a parent will push his or her child to be constantly active, make new friends, etc. The worst part is that the Generator can be very persuasive, since he himself lives by such “laws” and will feel that his lifestyle is the only right one.
Or, another example is the Parent-Projector. He will make his child constantly study, go to all sorts of circles and sections, and spend all his free time on some “useful” activity. In this case, the child’s desires to spend time with friends or just go for a walk outside – will be ignored and noted as “a waste of time”. Subsequently, such children can in principle grow up to be “successful” in some sense, but at the same time they get a lot of neuroses and the inability to get along in society properly.
Attempts to impose their own experiences
Very often a situation occurs in which something a child says or does is used to cause the False Self to be triggered in the parents. For example, Generator parents get upset if their children are not “active enough”-not going out with friends or not going out at all. Manifestor parents can easily be frustrated by their child’s lack of independence or lack of determination. Projector parents feel bitter when their child has trouble interacting with peers or can’t make friends at all. And Reflector parents may feel frustrated that their children are too “ordinary” – into the same things as others and have no interests of their own.
In all of these examples, it is False Self of the parents that is activated, but they transfer their negative experiences to the children. Parents try to look at the world through the eyes of the child, but behind the veil of their own negative attitudes they do not perceive their feelings, emotions and experiences at all.
It is because their own False Self prevents them from understanding the child, that they need to start educating them from themselves. As the saying goes, “educate yourself, not the children – in any case, they will be like you. And in this case it’s better to present them as a conscious person who lives in perfect harmony with himself. To do this, there are a number of quite simple but very effective recommendations.
Self-interest takes precedence
It is worth saying right away that this rule does not apply to matters of life and survival. No one is saying that you should forget about your child, his food, etc. But in everything else, you should never overstep your bounds, as long as it makes the child feel good. For example, if the parent-generator does not get a positive response to play with children, then you should not ignore his own interests and do it through do not want to. Because in this case, you will still not be able to make the necessary contact, and the effort and energy will be wasted. All the more so, if the child once or twice gets his way through the want, he will continue to manipulate the parent, ignoring his desires.
Get rid of the “stereotypes” of parenting
There are several extremes that every unaware person can fall into when parenting.
Let’s be honest, the first experience of parenthood is a very difficult period in everyone’s life. It is not something that is taught in books or taught in school, it is always a deeply personal, individual experience. And many people, for fear of making any mistakes, start listening too much to other people’s advice. Whether it’s some kind of parenting training, parental advice, various religious prejudices, and so on. There is nothing wrong with any of these aspects, but you should not trust them completely, because life, especially children’s life is a dynamic process and you need to be able to adapt.
Using several different parenting systems at once. Some people try to create a unique “set”, taking the best of one system and the other. Taking the best is undoubtedly a good approach, but more often than not, it causes only confusion. For example, if one combines some religious precepts and superimposes them on a newfangled psychological doctrine – hardly anything coherent comes out of it.
Attempts to apply to a child the same approach in which you yourself were brought up. Unfortunately, this is the situation in which most parents today find themselves. They try to raise their children to be more “perfect” copies, and they themselves begin to resemble their own parents, repeating their mistakes, supplementing them with their own. It’s impossible to say unequivocally that the upbringing a person received on their own will be 100% unsuitable for their child. But each of us is a unique individual, and what was good for us will not necessarily be the same for the child.
Very few people can call themselves model parents. Because parenting is a very creative process and at critical moments you have to rely on yourself to make the right choices, rather than trying to conform to the accepted rules and attitudes.
Don’t try to fit your child to your own type
When a Generator becomes a parent, he begins to worry a lot about what is the best way to occupy his child, what section to send him to, what would occupy his free time. Subconsciously he expects the child to be just as overactive, and can get very upset if he finds out that in terms of energy they are completely different. But it is very important for Generators to suppress in themselves this irrepressible need to occupy their child with something, to learn to listen to him and take into account his own desires and aspirations.
Manifestor parents can fall into one of the extremes. They can either give too much freedom to the child, fully presenting him or her to themselves, as they would like to be treated as well. Or, on the contrary, they can start to control every step of the child, completely prescribing his “schedule”, not allowing him to decide his own destiny. Therefore Manifestors need to learn not just to give out instructions, but to inform the child, preferably considering his/her opinion and adapting to the situation.
When the Projector becomes a parent, he, according to his program, begins to direct almost all of his attention and powers to the child. And it even comes to the fact that he can sometimes ignore his own interests. But this kind of interaction will be correct only if the child initiates the contact himself. If a Projector parent tries to “impose” his or her opinion, unsolicited advice will always be received with hostility.
Reflector parents can seem very strange to their children. The matter is in their impermanence – today they can react in one way to some action of the child, and tomorrow quite differently. Therefore, parents-Reflectors need to work on trust and be friends with their children first and foremost. Otherwise, because of the variability of their own reactions, they will toss children from extreme to extreme and they themselves will not be able to understand exactly what their parents want to see from them.
Focus on your own development
Those parents who do not fully understand their own design, it is unlikely to be able to teach their child to live in accordance with it. One theory is not enough for this – you have to go through your own experiment, and improve by learning from mistakes. Therefore, any advice and recommendations based only on “knowledge” will not bring any result. They must necessarily be supported by experience.
The best thing you can do for your child is to be a great example of what it is like to be a conscious person who understands his own nature.